


Crawling Back To You

by olgushka



Category: Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Angry Sex, Cheating, Fighting and making up, Five Times, Getting Together, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, References to Arctic Monkeys, Smut, Song fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-25
Updated: 2016-12-25
Packaged: 2018-09-12 02:48:07
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,117
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9052201
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/olgushka/pseuds/olgushka
Summary: Five times Tyler says it was a mistake and one time he doesn’t.(aka: Five times Josh speaks to Tyler in Arctic Monkeys lyrics and one time Tyler does the same.)





	

**Author's Note:**

> I AM NOT AS INNOCENT AS I SEEM. Pardon. 
> 
> I blame it on Alex Turner. 
> 
> This is basically porn. Just don’t read it if you’re not into this kind of fanfiction.

I. _I Wanna Be Yours_

Tyler blames it on the adrenaline. He blames it on the fact that they just played a sold out show in a huge venue in their hometown, he blames it on the people who sang back every word. Because he didn’t plan to end up with his back pressed against the cold tiles in the bathroom stall and pants around his ankles. And he definitely didn’t plan to end up with his fingers tangled in sweaty pink locks and a shirtless Josh kneeling in front of him, giving him the best blowjob of his life. 

He wants to push him away and tell him to stop but he can’t, _he can’t_ because it feels _too good_ and no one has made him feel like that _in ages_.

„Josh… I’m gonna come, I’m gonna come...” He whispers like he doesn’t want anyone to hear them even if they’re in the emptiest part of the venue, in the bathroom that it’s out of order.

Josh hums approvingly and makes his tongue work even faster, burying his hand in his own pants and jerking himself in quick short strokes at the same time. He chokes when a load of sperm hits the back of his throat but doesn’t pull off. He licks Tyler clean through the aftershocks and comes all over his hand twenty seconds later.

They both stay still for a few moments, panting like they just finished running a marathon. Josh rests his forehead against Tyler’s bare thigh while the singer leans his head back against the wall and blinks a few times, focusing his eyes on a big moth sitting on the white ceiling next to a bare bulb. 

„Josh, what the hell was that.” He manages to say after a long pause. 

Tyler sounds angry. Disappointed. Like he wants to say: _dude, you just ruined six years of perfect friendship_. It’s enough to send Josh into hysterics. He starts shaking uncontrollably, supporting himself with his face pressed to Tyler’s legs. He lets out a sob, _one_ , _two_ and then there are hot tears on his cheeks mixing with Tyler’s sweat. 

Tyler takes a deep breath and slowly pushes Josh off, leaving enough space between them to bend down, tuck himself into his boxers and pull his pants up.

„I’m fucking married.”

„Sorry.” Josh whispers but the sound of his voice is mixed with jangling of the metallic parts of Tyler’s belt and the singer needs to ask him to repeat what he said. „I’m sorry.” Josh says again, a little bit louder this time.

He’s kneeling there with his eyes closed and head hung so low that his chin is almost touching his chest. 

Tyler wants to leave. He wants to go, he doesn’t want anyone to find them like this, he doesn’t want anyone to find out what they’ve done. But seeing Josh so broken makes him think twice about his actions. He knows that if he leaves now without a word, things will get awkward and complicated. He doesn’t want to make it hard for any of them.

He drops to his knees in front of Josh and touches his cheek.

„Josh?” He wipes away the tears and pushes Josh’s chin up. „Hey. It’s okay. I’m not mad. It happens, yeah? The show was sick, the best one we’ve ever had, we got high on emotions, we got carried away. It was a mistake. It didn’t mean anything.”

And Josh starts to cry harder because that’s worse than a slap in the face.

„It meant something to me, Tyler.” Josh says, pushing Tyler’s hands away. He sits cross-legged on the floor and presses his back against the wall. „It meant _everything_ because _I love you_ and _I want you_.” He takes a deep breath. „There are **secrets I have held in my heart** for too long. They’re so much **harder to hide than I thought** and I’m so fucking tired of pretending.”

„Josh...”

„ **I wanna be yours** , Tyler. You’re my whole world and **I just wanna be yours**.”

Tyler stays silent because he doesn’t really know what to say. He wants to take Josh in his arms and tell him that it’s gonna be alright, that they will work it out. But he can’t. He needs to be rational and clear-minded here. He knows he’s about to crush Josh’s heart but he has no other choice. Josh is late with his confessions. He’s three years too late.

„Josh, we can’t.” Tyler shakes his head. „I can’t. I’m married. And I love my wife. And this… can’t happen ever again. It was a heat of the moment thing, nothing else. We were lonely and too excited. And no one, _no one_ can know about this. It would ruin our band and my marriage.” He gets up from the floor. „I promise, I’m not mad at you. We will forget about it, we will not talk about it ever again, we will remain as best friends. We will find you a pretty girl to date and everything will be fine, alright?” Tyler says and moves towards the door. „I’m sorry, Josh. I really care about you. But it’s too late for us. I’ll see you later, yeah?” 

He turns the doorknob and leaves.

 

II. _Suck It And See_

Tyler blames it on Jenna. He blames it on her because he’s horny and desperate. He hadn’t gotten laid in weeks and jerking off with his own hand doesn’t help anymore. She’s not there and he won’t see her until the tour is over and she’s too pure and innocent to agree for a dirty phone-sex conversation. He blames it on her because he didn’t plan to end up on the ugly green couch with Josh hovering above him and he definitely didn’t plan to let the drummer straddle his lap and rub their dicks together. 

He blames it on Josh because Josh was the one who came in without knocking and offered his help after catching Tyler in the middle of masturbating furiously in his dressing room. He blames it on Josh because before he could say anything, the drummer was already all over him.

Josh is slow, painfully slow. He keeps pressing his crotch to Tyler’s in a repetitive motion, moving down and up, left and right. He doesn’t go anywhere Tyler’s mouth, his face is hidden in the crook of the singer’s neck and he sucks on the skin on Tyler’s throat, careful enough not to leave any marks. Tyler’s nails dig hard into his shoulder blades everytime he kisses the sensitive area right above his Adam’s apple.

„Josh. Josh. Josh.” He pants and tilts his head sideways to give the drummer a better access to his neck. „Fuck...” He moans when Josh’s hand finally makes its way between their bodies and touch both of their aching members.

It doesn’t take long for both of them to shout each other’s names and make a mess on their chests.

Josh cleans them up with his t-shirt and rolls off Tyler. The singer stands up, pulling his pants up.

„ **Sit next to me before I go?** ” Josh asks.

„I can’t.” Tyler shakes his head. „It was a mistake. I’m married, Josh. It didn’t mean anything.”

„Yeah, sure. **Be cruel to me**. Hurt me **‘cause I'm a fool for you**.” He says. He’s not crying this time, just stares at Tyler with an intense glare. 

Tyler shakes his head one more time.

„I’m sorry.” 

„ **I’m a fool for you**.” Josh says again and gets up from the couch. He comes closer.

Tyler looks him in the eye. _I’m a fool for you too_ , he wants to say, _but I left my wife back at home and I’ve already cheated on her twice_.

„Josh, we can’t. We can’t. We can’t. It can’t happen again.”

Josh smiles. And then he laughs, tilting his head back. 

„What?” Tyler asks, confused.

„Nothing. Just… Your face. **You’ve got that face that says: _baby, I was made to break your heart_**.”

„Josh.” Tyler’s voice cracks. „Stop it. Please.”

„It’s fine.” Josh nods and stumbles back. „It’s all fine. It’s been already shattered to pieces. You can’t break it even more.”

With that, he leaves the dressing room.

 

III. _Why’d You Only Call Me When You’re High_

Tyler blames it on the crew and two empty bottles of vodka. He blames it on his drunken state, he blames it on Mark and his dirty jokes. Because he didn’t plan to end up naked on the floor of the back studio in the empty tour bus, with his cheek pressed against the red carpet and his ass up in the air. And he definitely didn’t plan to end up with Josh’s tongue working miracles on his butthole.

He blames it on the drummer for staring at him the whole evening. He blames it on Mark who said: _stop eye-fucking each other and get a room!_ He blames it on Josh who eventually came up with the excuse about them needing some fresh air, took him by the hand and led him outside, dragging him all the way to the tour bus.

„Stop fucking teasing...” Tyler grits through his teeth. „...and fuck me already.”

„I can’t.” Josh says, leaving a bitemark on Tyler’s lower back.

„Why the fuck not?”

„You’re drunk. And you’re married.” Josh sounds more sober than he was ten minutes ago.

„I’m married.” Tyler repeats. „Oh my God, I’m married.” He says, panic in his voice. „Fucking stop, I’m marr- God! No, no, no, no! Don’t stop, don’t stop… Fuck, Josh, do that again!” He moans loudly and gasps for a breath when the drummer pushes his tongue inside of him. „Don’t you fucking dare to stop now.” He slurs and reaches between his legs.

So Josh licks and sucks and pushes his tongue in again while Tyler desperately jerks himself off. Josh comes first, turned on by the sounds that keep making their way out of Tyler’s mouth. Tyler comes right after him, leaving a white stain on the carpet. He collapses on the floor, heavy weight of the drummer on his back.

„It was...”

„...a mistake, I know.” Josh finishes the sentence.

„Yeah.” 

„Yeah.”

„I’m married.” Tyler says and he sounds like he’s reminding himself of the ring that is still present on his finger. 

„You are.” Josh agrees. „But **it's three in the morning and I'm trying to change your mind**.”

„Change my mind about what? Being married?” The singer asks, laying face down on the floor with his eyes closed. „You should have tried to change my mind three years ago.”

„Three years ago, I was **incapable of making alright decisions**. I was too reckless and undecided, I was known for **having bad ideas**.” Josh says and leans close. His lips are almost touching the shell of Tyler’s ear. „I fucking love you, Tyler. It took me _years_ to find the courage to do something about it. I love you. Why don’t you fucking see it?” 

„I’m married.” Tyler slurs again, on the verge of falling asleep. 

„ **It’s harder and harder to get you to listen.** ” Josh sighs. „I can’t talk to you when you’re sober and I can’t talk to you when you’re drunk and it **sort of feels like I’m running out of time**.” He rests his forehead against the back of Tyler’s head. „It’s not too late for us. Please.” He swallows hard. „Please. Tyler. Tyler?” 

But Tyler is already asleep. His breathing is slow and steady and he doesn’t hear Josh’s words anymore. 

 

IV. _The Jeweller's Hands_

Tyler blames it on his nightmares. He blames it on the movie he watched last night. He blames it on his mind playing tricks on him. Because he didn’t plan to end up crawling into Josh’s bunk in the middle of the night with tears in his eyes and he definitely didn’t plan to end up with Josh’s hand in his boxers.

Josh doesn’t need to open his eyes to find out who’s in his bunk. He’s aware who is clutching the fabric of his t-shirt and sobbing their heart out. He doesn’t need to open his eyes to cradle the person against his chest and ruffle their hair whispering sweet nothings in their ear. He doesn’t need to open his eyes to let his hand wander down the familiar body and slide under the waistband of Tyler’s underwear.

He takes Tyler’s length in his hand and starts to move, slowly, gently, with no rush. It’s supposed to be soothing, comforting. It’s a dry handjob. Josh doesn’t bother with getting lube or even spitting on his fingers and Tyler is glad. He wants to feel, he _needs_ to feel, every stroke, every roughness, the shape of Josh’s fingers against his skin. He needs to understand that what he saw wasn’t real. He needs to understand that what’s real is _now_ , happening _here_ in this bunk.

And Tyler knows he needs to be quiet so he buries his face somewhere between Josh’s armpit and the pillow and breaths deeply to muffle any sounds that could wake up the rest of the guys.

What he doesn’t know is how long it takes for him to come. It seems like ages but when he does, it’s one of the most intense orgasms he experienced. 

Josh doesn’t open his eyes and doesn’t try to get off even if he’s hard. His hand leaves the warmth of Tyler’s underwear and he gives the other man time and space to make his decision. He drifts off not long after that.

When he wakes up, there’s another body in his bunk, head on his shoulder and someone’s arm thrown across his chest. He glances at Tyler who looks like he’s been awake for a while now. He’s calm and there’s no panic on his face.

They don’t say a word to each other and none of them moves an inch until they hear a rustling sound coming from the aisle between bunks, footsteps and Michael’s voice.

„Guys?” There’s a sound of the bottom bunk curtain being open. „Where the hell are they? Where is Tyler?”

„I’m here.” He replies casually.

The curtain to Josh’s bunk opens and the light hits their faces. They both blink at the sudden brightness of the room.

„What are you even doing up there?” Michael frowns and looks at them with a furious expression on his face. There’s Mark right behind him, shaking his head.

„I’m cuddling my best friend, what does it look like to you?” Tyler says, the tone of his voice almost challenging.

Josh feels every movement of Tyler’s jaw against his shoulder and he smiles because he’s the only one who knows that the singer is naked from the waist down under the covers and his sperm-soaked boxers are kicked away to the furthest corner of the bunk.

„What does it look like to me? Let me tell you. It looks like it’s two in the fucking afternoon. It looks like you missed the interview with the local radio station and it looks like you’re almost two hours late for the soundcheck.” Michael sighs, annoyed. „We’ve been looking _everywhere_ for you and you’re here. Sleeping. _Cuddling_. Where are your fucking phones? What the hell, guys. I don’t spend hours on my laptop making daily schedules for your fucking entertainment. You don’t play shows for only ten people anymore, you can’t act like irresponsible teenagers. Soundcheck in fifteen minutes.” He says and storms off. Mark follows him without a word.

„Where are our phones?” Josh asks, looking around the bunk.

„Muted.” Tyler mumbles.

„What? Why?” Josh picks up his phone from the tiny shelf above his head and unlocks it. It’s muted, like Tyler said. Even vibrations are turned off. There are fifteen missed calls from Michael and twenty more from other crew members, a few text messages and too many social media notifications. „Why would you do that?”

Tyler shrugs. He sits up and finds his dirty underwear among the bedsheets. He slides off the mattress bare-assed and disappears in his bunk.

When Josh rolls off his bed, Tyler is ready to leave the bus. Josh blocks his way.

„Tyler.”

„Get out of my way.” Tyler tries to push through but Josh is like a stone wall. „We’re already late.”

„Six hours. Another five minutes won’t make any difference.” Josh says. „Let’s talk.”

„I don’t want to talk about it. There’s nothing to talk about. It-”

„ _It was a mistake. I’m married_.” Josh mocks him. „It’s hard to admit it, isn’t it?”

„Admit what?” Tyler frowns. „Dude, I had a bad dream and I went to you for a little bit of comfort-”

„I gave you comfort.”

„-and you shoved your hand into my pants!” 

„It’s not like you were against it, right? You could just say. A simple _no_ would be enough. But you went with it. You enjoyed it. **And now it's no one’s fault but yours**.”

„Don’t…” 

„ **You're a sinking stone** , Tyler. **You thought you'd never get obsessed** but look where you are now.” Josh takes a step forward and Tyler stumbles back. „Look at you. Cheating on your wife with your _best friend_ every other week.”

Tyler squeezes his eyes shut when his back hits the wall and the distance between them becomes smaller with the drummer’s every step.

„Why, Tyler? Is it because you’re lonely? You could have any other girl, any other guy. Yet you still end up with _me_. You crave _my_ hands and _my_ mouth. Why is that?” 

Their noses are almost touching. Tyler can feel Josh’s breath on his face. 

„Why did you mute our phones?” Josh pushes. „You didn’t want anyone to bother us? You wanted to have me for yourself for a little bit longer? Tell me, Tyler. Prove me wrong. **If you have a lesson to teach me, I'm listening**. I’m **ready to learn**.”

And Tyler pushes forward until Josh’s back hits the opposite wall and crashes their mouths together. It’s a hungry and desperate kiss because it has never happened before - it was like a silent agreement, sex: yes, kissing: no. He keeps his hands on Josh’s cheeks and kisses him like his life depends on it. He sucks and bites on his bottom lip and lets their tongues dance together. Josh pulls him closer, hooking his thumbs in Tyler’s belt loops. 

When things slow down, Tyler exhales and rests his forehead on Josh’s shoulder. He shakes like a leaf in the wind and Josh rubs his back.

„It’s gonna be alright.” He whispers.

„I can’t do this.” Tyler mumbled. „I want this but I can’t do this.” He pushes himself back. „I’m married. I can’t do this.” 

„You say that every time.” Josh sighs.

„I can’t, Josh. I can’t. I can’t.” 

He shakes his head and flees outside.

 

V. _Bigger Boys And Stolen Sweethearts_

Tyler blames it on the interviewer. He blames her for making them sit too close to each other, he blames her for making them talk about their _bromance_ , he blames her for constantly hinting that there’s something more between them. He has never punched a girl but this one is on a good way to make him break this rule.

Josh goes with it. He’s too smart to start denying it, he knows he needs to let it flow because nervous denying would be so much worse than joking about it. They’ve done it a hundred of times before, they’ve answered those questions, they’ve always laughed them off. But this time is different. This time Tyler knows that _there is_ something going on between them. He knows that there’s truth in the words they’re saying, he knows it’s not a joke anymore, he knows he’s a _cheater_.

He blames it on the interviewer because he didn’t plan to end up in his hotel room having a full-on panic attack. He didn’t plan to end up in Josh’s arms sobbing like mad, gasping for a breath and he definitely didn’t plan to end up being caught in the middle of the day on the bed with another tongue in his mouth and Josh’s fingers _in his ass_.

It was supposed to be like usually: they would fuck, they would argue, Tyler would say he’s married and one of them would retreat.

But there’s a knock on the door and Josh says: _leave it_. And Tyler nods because there’s no way in hell that he’d get up now and welcome the guest. But the knocking repeats and someone’s pulling the doorknob and the door starts to open slowly because – _oh fuck_ – they forgot to turn the key, and someone walks in and someone says Tyler’s name. And then the said someone stops dead in their tracks looking at them with wide eyes.

And for a moment everything stops. Bodies stop moving, hands stop exploring, tongues stop dancing, Josh’s fingers stop opening him and the three of them stop breathing. 

„Jenna...” Tyler breaths out eventually.

„You’re so much better than me when it comes to surprises.” She says venomously, turns on her heel and leaves.

„Fuck. Fuck, fuck, FUCK!” Tyler yells and pushes hard on Josh’s chest.

The force sends him to the other side of the bed. He watches as Tyler picks up his clothes, he watches as he dresses himself. He winces at the sound of the door shutting after the singer when he runs out of the room and follows his wife. 

When he gets back to the room almost one hour later, he looks like a mess and his eyes are red. Josh is still there, standing next to the window, looking at the city. He turns around when Tyler closes the door. 

And Tyler acts instinctively. He steps closer and punches Josh in the face. Not because his wife caught him cheating. Not because his marriage and reputation is probably ruined. He’s angry because it should feel wrong but it feels so damn _right_. Because it felt right from the beginning. Because after having a yelling/crying session with Jenna in the middle of the hotel lobby, he realizes that maybe he loved her but a woman’s touch was never enough. He punches Josh because it’s all his fault. He wants to hurt him for making him feel like that, for making him fall in love again.

„I’m married. It was a mistake.” Tyler cries. „I’m married.”

He collapses against the drummer, crying and mumbling curses at him, hitting Josh’s chest with his fists a few times. Josh doesn’t stop him. He wipes the blood from under his nose with the back of his hand and holds Tyler close. He lets him took out his anger on him. 

„ **You’re better off without her anyway**.” Josh says because he’s too selfish to tell Tyler that everything’s not lost. He’s too selfish to tell Tyler to fight for his marriage.

„She’s one of the nicest people I know and I hurt her.”

„ **She’s not nice** , Tyler. **She’s pretty fucking far from nice**. She doesn’t deserve you.”

„What? How can you say that?! You don’t know her as much as I do!” Tyler yells and pulls off from Josh’s embrace.

„You’re so blind. There are moments when **she’s looking at you funny, rarely looking at you twice**. Is that what loving wives do? She doesn’t love you. And you don’t love her!”

„You’re unbelievable.” Tyler shakes his head. „You’re fucking unbelievable.” He pushes his fingers through his hair. „It’s all your fault. It’s all your fucking fault. I didn’t want this.” He says and swallows hard. They both know it’s a lie. „I didn’t want any of this.”

„You wanted this as much as I did!” Josh shouts. „You’ve never said _no_ to me, you’ve let me do whatever I wanted. And you’ve enjoyed it. You’ve enjoyed every second of it.” Josh hisses. „You love me but you’re too scared to admit it.”

„Get out.” Tyler says and points his finger to the door.

„See? This is what you always do. I start talking about _feelings_ and you hide. You run away.”

„What do you want me to do? I’m married!”

„There’s this thing called divorce.”

„I can’t do that.” Tyler shakes his head.

„Why?”

„I can’t.”

„Because people would judge you? Because someone would look differently at you?”

There’s a long pause.

„Why now, Josh?” Tyler asks, looking him in the eyes. „Why now? We had so many opportunities to get together three years ago. Why now?”

„I told you. I was reckless. I didn’t want to hurt you with my immature decisions. I wasn’t ready.” Josh says.

„And you’re ready now?”

„Like never before.”

„It’s too late.” 

„Why are you so stubborn? Tyler, you keep fighting with no one but _yourself_. You’re hurting no one but _yourself_.” Josh sighs. „Jenna will be fine. She’ll get over it.”

„If she can get over it, you can too.” Tyler nods. „Get out.”

„What?”

„Get out. Fuck off. Leave me alone. I don’t know how could I be so _stupid_. You had your chance, Josh. You didn’t take it. I’m done. Don’t get anywhere close to me.” Tyler backs off. „I don’t love you. I have _never_ loved you. I was lonely and homesick and you took advantage of it. You used me to fulfill your selfish needs. It’s over. _Over_ , do you understand? I’m married. I’m still married and I’m going to fight for this marriage because Jenna is the best fucking thing that could ever happen to me. I don’t need you. You’re not my friend anymore. We will finish this tour but then I don’t want to see you ever again.” He steps closer to the door and opens it. „Leave.”

Josh stands in his spot, processing Tyler’s words.

„Leave or I will get the security.”

The drummer laughs. He moves towards the door but instead of leaving, he takes Tyler by surprise and crashes their mouths together. Tyler forgets himself and kisses back for a moment but then pushes Josh away and slams him against the wall.

„Do that again and you’ll lose your perfect teeth.” He says and throws Josh out of his room, grabbing his t-shirt and pushing him out to the hallway.

„Keep lying to yourself. You’re really good at it.” Josh nods and Tyler slams the door in his face.

 

+1. _Do I Wanna Know?_

Josh blames it on California. He blames it on Los Angeles, night clubs and his new friends. He blames it on weed and booze. Because he didn’t expect to turn into a guy who likes to party all night, have sex with random strangers and sleep all day. And he definitely didn’t expect to find Tyler sitting on the staircase to his flat on a Sunday morning after he got back from his yet another sexual escapade.

He’s not sure if there’s any alcohol or drugs left in his system that would make him hallucinate but then he remembers that he didn’t take anything last night and had only two drinks. He blinks once, _twice_ , but Tyler is still there. They stare at each other for a few seconds but then Josh shrugs like he doesn’t care, turns the key and opens the front door to his flat.

„Josh, wait.” He hears when he’s already inside and about to close the door behind him.

Tyler stands on his doormat, hands in his pockets. He can’t focus his eyes on anything but finally rests them somewhere above Josh’s head.

„How did you find me?” The drummer asks.

„Your mom gave me the address.”

„And why are you here?”

Tyler hesitates.

„I missed you.”

„Okay. Cool. Look, I don’t have time for this.” Josh tries to shut the door but Tyler blocks it with his foot.

„Wait!” Tyler says, panicked. „Wait. I just… hoped we could talk?”

„About what?”

„Us.”

„There’s no us.” Josh says and looks at Tyler. „Where are your things?”

„In my car.”

„You drove here all the way from Ohio?” Josh frowns.

„Yes.”

„Why?”

„I wanted to talk.” Tyler swallows. „There… Uhm. A lot of things happened.”

„Yeah. I bet. It’s been a year.” Josh says. „What do you want from me?”

„Give me a chance to explain myself.”

Josh sighs and rubs his hands over his face a few times.

„I won’t get rid of you so easily, huh?”

Tyler shakes his head. Josh exhales and steps back, letting him in. Tyler walks in, slowly, hesitantly. He looks around the bright flat, full of white walls, dark furniture and big windows. It’s minimalistic, raw but cozy at the same time. He takes a few steps forward, enters the living room and notices a half empty bottle of wine and a glass on a small coffee table.

„ **Ever thought of calling when you’ve had a few? ‘Cause I always do.** ” Tyler asks.

„No.” Josh snaps shortly. 

„I’m not married anymore.” Tyler turns around. He nervously scratches his arm and Josh notices the lack of the wedding ring on his finger. 

„What happened?” Josh asks and mentally slaps himself in the face. He _doesn’t_ want to know. He _doesn’t_ care. But the words are out of his mouth before he can stop them.

„After she caught us...” Tyler’s voice shakes. „...I convinced her to give me one more chance. But nothing was the same anymore and we both knew it. We tried to fix everything for a show, we went to the theraphy because her mother wanted us to. It didn’t work out anyway so we stayed separated for a few months. I couldn’t stop thinking about you, I was _this_ close to calling you but then we decided to try again. And it was good. It was going fine until I said _your_ fucking name when she was sucking me off.” He sighs and sits down on the leather couch. „It was a breaking point. She filled for divorce and I didn’t even try to stop her. I signed everything, paid enormous money to get it done as fast as they could. She was nice enough to never tell anyone why we ended it. She always said we had problems.” He says. „I stayed with my parents for a while.”

There’s a long pause but then Tyler speaks again.

„I had to see you. **I dreamt about you nearly every night this week**.” He says quietly. „I started writing songs again. **There’s this tune I found that makes me think of you somehow and I play it** over and over again on my ukulele.”

„Tyler...” Josh starts. „What do you want from me?”

„I just- I’ve **been wondering if your heart’s still open**.”

„Even if it was, then what?”

„I love you.” Tyler says. „I can finally say it out loud without lying to myself. I love you. **I don’t know if you** still **feel the same but we could be together if you wanted to.** ”

Josh laughs. He laughs like Tyler said the funniest joke.

„This is brilliant.” He shakes his head, takes a deep breath and the expression on his face turns deadly serious. „You have one minute to leave this place.” He says and backs off to his bedroom.

He sits on the edge of his bed, biting his lip. He tastes blood and waits for the sound of the front door shutting but it doesn’t happen. Instead, his bedroom door slowly opens and Tyler walks in.

„I thought I told you to leave?”

Tyler doesn’t answer, he drops to his knees and positiones himself between Josh’s legs. His eyes are red and puffy but he focuses his gaze on Josh’s face, looking him straight in the eyes. His hands make their way to Josh’s belt and start to fiddle with his fly. Josh catches his wrists.

„What the fuck, Tyler?”

„I’m begging you, Josh.” Tyler says and his eyes water again. „This is me asking for forgiveness. This is me **crawling back to you.** ” He blinks and two single tears escape his eyes.

„Do you think it’s as simple as that?” Josh hisses. „You will cry, I will comfort you, we will have sex and then you’ll leave again? I don’t want to be your casual weekly fuck. We’ve been there. We’ve done that. I don’t want it to happen again.”

„I won’t leave, I won’t leave.” Tyler shakes his head. „I _won’t_ leave. I have nowhere to go. You’re my last hope.”

„Me?” Josh snorts. „You crossed me off the list of your friends. You threw me out of the band.” He lets go of Tyler’s wrists, stands up and points his finger at Tyler. „And now what? Want me to take you back? Want me to pretend that nothing ever happened? Like last year didn’t happen?”

„I’m not married anymore.” Tyler says again.

„I don’t fucking care!” Josh shouts.

And there’s a pause. There’s a long moment of silence interrupted only by Josh’s heavy breathing and the singer’s quiet sobs. Finally, there’s a movement on the floor and Tyler stands up. He nods to himself and wipes his face.

„I’m sorry. You’re right. I’m sorry.” He says and heads to the door.

But before he can reach the doorknob, there’s a hand on his shoulder spinning him around and there’s a warm body slamming against his and his back hits the door. Josh kisses him hungrily until they both run out of air.

„I hate you.” He whispers against Tyler’s mouth. „I fucking hate you. You’re a piece of shit. You broke my heart countless of times.”

„I’m sorry, I’m so sorry.” Tyler whispers back, pulling Josh closer.

„If we do it now...” Josh pushes his thigh between Tyler’s legs. „...and you’ll tell me it was a mistake right after...” He bites the skin on his neck and presses his leg harder to the singer’s crotch. „...I will fucking kill you.” He kisses Tyler angrily again. „I swear to God, I will chop your dick off with a kitchen knife and leave you on the floor to bleed out.” Another kiss. „Do you understand?”

„I do, I do.” Tyler nods furiously.

„Good. On your knees.” Josh commands. „I’m not gonna be the one doing all the work this time.”

Before Tyler drops to his knees again, Josh catches him and puts his lips close to his ear.

„Put your pretty mouth to work. We will see if you can suck my dick as fast as you can rap.” He whispers and Tyler shivers. „And then, I will fuck you until you can’t walk straight.” He lets go of his arms. „No touching yourself for now.”

Tyler falls to the floor and his knees hit the hard wood with a loud thud. He kneels there for a moment trying to compose himself but then he looks up and reaches for Josh’s belt. He unbuckles it and unzips Josh’s pants. He pulls them down in one quick move and realizes that Josh doesn’t wear any underwear.

He raises his eyebrow but doesn’t question it. This particular part of Josh’s body is nothing he hasn’t seen before but he feels nervous all of sudden. He hasn’t been in a position of _the giver_ before, he was always _the receiver_. He puts his hands on Josh’s hips and for a moment he just looks at Josh’s erection. But then, he licks it all the way from the base to the tip and the drummer throws his head back, letting out a long moan.

He goes with it. He licks and sucks until he can taste precome on his tongue. He’s inexperienced but he tries as hard as he can and Josh’s doesn’t complain. He gags when Josh’s dick hits the back of his throat and he needs to take a few deep breaths but then his tongue does its work again and his fingers play with Josh’s balls.

„So good. Look at you.” Josh moans and pulls hard on Tyler’s hair keeping his head in place. He fucks Tyler’s mouth until Tyler gags again and can’t breathe anymore. „Alright, pretty boy. Enough.” He says and backs off. „Take your clothes off. Get on the bed. We’re getting to the fun part now.”

Tyler does as he’s told. He sits naked on the edge of the bed, feeling more exposed than ever before and he can’t stop his body from shaking uncontrollably.

„On your hands and knees.”

He moves to the center of the bed and waits. He hears the click when Josh uncaps a bottle somewhere behind his back. He gasps when cold wet fingers start massaging his entrance and yelps when Josh pushes his finger inside without any warning. 

This is how it ended the last time. This is the furthest they went together and he knows that Josh won’t stop this time and there will be _more_ and he’s so fucking terrified.

Josh adds the second finger and Tyler’s breathing goes crazy. Josh opens him, scissoring his fingers and pushing them in and out. Eventually the fingers are gone and Josh shifts closer on the bed.  
The tip of the drummer’s cock touches his entrance but Josh doesn’t push in. Tyler feels like he may start hyperventilating at this point.

He lets out a distressed noise. It’s not a moan of the arousal and Josh knows it - he was prepared for this.

„Tyler...” Josh drops his dominant act and kisses his lower back. „I know you’ve never done this before. I’ll be gentle. I’ll go slow, okay?”

Tyler nods but he doesn’t stop shaking.

„You don’t have to agree for this just because you feel guilty. Tyler?” Josh waits. When there’s no answer, he backs off. „Okay, we’re done here.”

„No!” Tyler finds his voice again. „No, no, no! Please. Do it. Do it, Josh. Please, I want this.”

„You don’t sound so convincing.”

„I’m… I’m...”

„Nervous. Scared. Not ready.” Josh finishes for him.

„No, I’m ready, please. Please, fuck me.” Tyler whines.

Josh considers it for a few seconds. 

„Okay. Move.”

„What?”

„You’ll ride me.” Josh says, maneuvering himself to lie on his back. Tyler looks down at him like he doesn’t understand what’s happening. „You’ll be in control.”

„But-”

„Tyler.” The drummer growls in frustration. „This is serious. I may be angry with you and I may want to fuck you senseless and I may want to take out my anger on you but I will not use your inexperience against you.”

Tyler’s heart beats like crazy in his chest. Josh looks at him with so much affection that Tyler is sure that he’s falling in love with the drummer here and now.

„Okay.” He nods and straddles Josh’s lap. „Okay.”

Josh strokes himself a few times, making sure to spread the lube on the entire length of his erection when Tyler hovers above him.

„Come on.” He encourages. „Slowly. Take all the time you need. I promise I won’t begin to thrust until you’re good and ready, okay?” Josh takes one of the singer’s hands and links their fingers together. „And remember, the second it feels like it’s too much, don’t hesistate to back off.”

Tyler leans in and kisses the drummer.

„Stop being so perfect. I don’t deserve it.” He says and starts lowering himself down on Josh’s dick. When the tip goes in, it’s enough for him to squeeze his eyes shut and think twice about his decision. He grips Josh’s hand so hard that he’s afraid he would break the other man’s fingers but then Josh keeps kissing him and it’s a good distraction. He slides lower, inch by inch and Josh doesn’t move as he promised. 

Tyler slides down all the way to the base, closes his eyes and freezes, breathing heavily. It’s not even close to the feeling of Josh’s fingers inside him. It feels fuller, warmer, tighter. More painful, more exciting. 

He opens his eyes and stares at Josh.

„You’re good?” Josh asks.

Tyler nods. When he gets used to the new feeling, he starts to move. He tries to lift himself up a little bit to slide down again. He repeats the process until he’s ready to ride Josh harder. There’s a weird wave of pleasure in his stomach and he opens his mouth in shock.

„You found it.” Josh smiles. „Want me to help?”

„Y-yeah.”

Josh starts to move and Tyler’s eyes roll to the back of his head.

„Shit, shit, shit...” Tyler whispers and finally matches his rhythm with Josh’s. „Flip me over.” He says eventually.

„What?”

„Flip me over. On my back. I want you to be in charge again.”

„Are you sure?”

Tyler looks him in the eye.

„ _Fuck me_ , Joshua Dun.”

Josh doesn’t need to be told twice. He pulls out, flips Tyler over onto his back in one quick motion and thrusts into him again. Tyler is stretched enough to make it easy for them.

„Tell me how much you hate me.” Tyler breathes out. „Tell me how disappointed you are.”

„I hate you. So much.” Josh grits through his teeth, pushes forward and buries his dick inside Tyler. „A whole year, Tyler.” He says and speeds up the tempo. „A whole fucking year. You ungrateful bitch. You fucking liar.”

Josh is furious again. He doesn’t hold back anymore, he fucks Tyler with all the strength and passion he can find. He feels Tyler’s erection bouncing against his stomach.

„Touch yourself.” He commands and Tyler’s hand flies to his dick.

They both come at the same time with each other’s names on their lips. Josh collapses on the top of Tyler’s chest. He doesn’t pull out, he stays inside for a long moment and feels Tyler’s hole clenching and unclenching around his softening member. 

And then, Josh starts crying. He buries his face in the crook of the singer’s neck and cries. Tyler’s hands are all over him in a second. They rub his back, they pet his head, they wipe away the tears. He finally pulls out and Tyler embraces him and kisses his forehead and realizes that he’s crying too.

„I’m staying.” He whispers because he knows exactly what’s going on in Josh’s mind right now. „I’m staying.”

„Please.” Josh whimpers.

„It was _not_ a mistake. It has never been a mistake. It was always _you_ , Josh. Always you.” He sniffs. „It took me too fucking long to realize it and I’m sorry. So sorry. I love you so much.”

They stay like that for a long while, limbs tangled together. 

„ **Do I** even **wanna know if** after all this time **this feeling flows both ways?** ” 

„It does.” Josh nods. „It does.”

Tyler kisses him softly. 

He doesn’t leave.

**Author's Note:**

> It was supposed to be angsty to the very last word but then I remembered it's Christmas so I decided that they deserved a hopeful ending.
> 
> So yeah. Merry Christmas! x


End file.
